I’ve taken to daily mediation walks. It’s nourishing to my spirit and helps ground me to my purpose. I walk for 30 minutes then journal until I feel complete. Here is today’s reflection:
A cat visits, twining itself around my legs for a while. I pet it and also just let it be , allowing it to enjoy the feeling of its fur on my bare legs (I enjoyed that too).
A little girl in a black, velvet dress rocks gently in a swing. The kind of swing with a back. She smiles. I tell her she looks peaceful. She nods.
Three older girls are playing on the hill above her. In the dirt. The kick it up then oddly dust themselves off. Then get dirty again. I want to tell them it’s okay to be dirty. To get dirty and messy and stay that way.
A hummingbird flies straight up into the blue sky. Like an elevator. I am in awe not only of their abilities but their ability to fill my heart with joy every time I see them.
This moment is saturated in peace and yet I want to leave. This is always true for me. I have such a restless soul. When something is peaceful and beautiful, I appreciate it but then want to explore something new. I’ve come to accept this about myself.
I move a small snail off the pavement. It’s dry and would take a long time for it to reach the grass. It’s a small act of kindness. It will die anyway. Maybe today. Maybe by a small child climbing the enormous cedar tree I placed it under.
But we do what we can, we tend to what is in our reach. Reminds me of this quote by one of my favorite teachers:
“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.” ~Clarissa Pinkola Estes
He found this tiny black feather and gave it to me. He said he thought it was a crow feather and told me not to cast a spell with it. Ha! I told him that even if I did cast a spell, it would be good magic, it would be in service to love and liberation.
So here we go. Let’s cast a little spell together. I’ve put the feather on a piece of art infused with intention. A little bricolage. This is similar to the mantra my yoga teacher said in hot yoga the other day. A spell is a prayer is a mantra.
May all beings be peaceful.
May all beings be happy.
May all beings be well.
May all beings be safe.
May all beings be wild and free.
And so it is.
The other day in yoga I was in “Happy Baby” pose and suddenly I felt very small. And vulnerable.
I found myself saying, “It’s okay, sweetie. I’m sorry that you were hurt. I’m sorry that you were lied to. I’m sorry that has made it hard for you to trust people.”
I started crying as I thought of all the people that I have loved. All the people that I haven’t treated as kindly as I wished. And all the people who haven’t treated me as kindly as I wished.
I just let myself really feel that sadness. Then I whispered,
“It’s okay. I forgive you.”
Then my body just relaxed and I felt something shift inside me. Like a lotus flower opening. I opened to that feeling of deep compassion for myself and others and awakened to the realization that we are doing our best at any given time. It’s often only through a reflective practice that I realize that I could have done better. And how I could have done better. Even with that kind of practice, I still mess up, because I’m a messy human.
Continue reading “yoga of vulnerability”
I read an article recently that recommended walking with bare feet. I’ve been dutifully trotting outside each morning while I wait for my coffee to brew and walking on the little gravel patch on the side of the house.
Back and forth. Bare legs. Bare arms. Bare feet.
The rocks are hard and cold on my tender feet. It hurts. I feel the nerves in my legs responding and muscles contracting. I feel where I am unstable and where I overcompensate. It’s fascinating and disturbing but answers some questions about my body. Doing this makes me feel very vulnerable. I become aware of things I need to change and of the temporal nature of life. It’s also making me feel stronger and more alive, day by day.
I’m finding that love is a lot like this.
Continue reading “bare”
Last winter, I was leading writing workshops in a women’s homeless shelter. I was going through some papers recently and found this free write I did with the women using the prompt, “What I love about myself”. I wrote this on 1/9/15 and decided to post it because it feels good to read it. I like feeling good.
What I love about myself is my smile, so frequent and genuine.
I love the thunderous laughter that comes in waves and echoes in my children’s hearts.
I love the way I can get through life with panache and tenacity. Continue reading “what i love…”