bricolage project day 15 [result]

bricolage_project_10-15-15

Today’s random word, result, comes from Archetypes & Strange Attractors:  The Chaotic World of Symbols by John R. Van Eenwyk who I had the pleasure of hearing speak at Antioch University Seattle many years ago.  Because I love the text so much, it serves nicely as today’s quote:

“As we now turn to the diachronic process of individuation, bear in mind that psychological growth occurs as a result of tensions, especially those between opposites, in the psyche.  Among these are conflict and resolution” (p. 31).

Isn’t that reassuring?  All of that delicious tension is helping us grow!  Reminds me of the Degenerate Art Ensemble exhibit I saw at the Frye Art Museum in 2011.   There was a video of dancers embodying creation.  I think it was a bird coming out of an egg or perhaps a seed bursting through the earth to kiss the light.  I just remember it felt inherently violent.   Like the dance , our ego’s relationship to to our complexes creates this tension that help us grow into a bigger version of ourselves.  Without integration we continue to repeat patterns that keep us stuck.  Without shadow, we don’t learn.

I’ve often described my own process as “dancing with my shadow” because that’s how it feels. I don’t let it rule my life but I am aware of it.  I certainly see it mirrored back to me and have learned to tend and befriend these various aspects of myself.  When I was creating today’s bricolage, I did the painting that you see (the black ink in the left margin was done by dipping a dried rose in ink, btw.  I love how it turned out!) then made a cut out of a little angle/devil creature.  I thought it would be fun to have her dance around as a shadow instead of placing a static piece inside the frame.  I ended up painting with shadow.  I did all of that before choosing the word and subsequent quote.  I love synchronicity!

I made a little video of it just for fun.  Painting with shadow.

Working on this project has drawn me deeper inside myself into the deep quiet.  I’m feeling and seeing life more geometrically and have been finding my way to far more authenticity.  It’s as though life is saying, “It’s okay.  Just be you,” so I am.  Messy.  Experimental.  Playful.  Intense.  Present.  Growing.

bricolage project day 9 [gentle]

Tonight’s entry is very late in coming.  I’ve been talking with him for hours.  And he’s been listening.  A different kind of listening than I’m used to.  He wanted to understand.  What a remarkable experience.

I’m not surprised then, that tonight’s randomly-chosen word, from the Delta of Venus by Anais Nin is gentle.  My heart being touched so gently and with such wisdom is new for me.  It felt like this.

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Today was a “no rule” day.  I worked on the piece all day off and on.   I have many things that bubbled up but as I was working but I’m not ready to write about them yet so I’ll just share a quote from Carl Jung.

In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.

 

in the silence

This morning, I led my second writing workshop at a local homeless shelter.  Before I arrived, I chose the following prompt:

In the silence I understand…

We do 20 minutes of free writing and then share.  I found it interesting that one of the women I was working with could hear but didn’t speak.  I found myself communicating with someone who was silent.  She carried a great deal of peace and her writing reflected that.

My own free writing was rambling, as always:

In the silence I understand that I can access serenity when I choose it but it’s okay to just be in the place of wild cacophony.  I understand that the howling wind holds a silence I cannot always understand but must feel.

In the silence I understand that my heart is weary but also strong with the tensile strength of steel but the softness of a baby’s cheek.  I understand that the world contains vile behavior from people we are supposed to trust but also the opportunity for forgiveness.

In the silence I understand that we are here to love and that love is often simpler in the silence.  The quiet heart lets me understand and know what is needed.

In the silence I understand that I am those restful, quiet spaces as well as the loud, sonic booms.  Every day brings the choice to explore which voice to use.  I understand that there is mystery but also answers.  In the silence I understand to wait long enough to hear.

I later went back through and found words and phrases to pull out for poems or stories.  I also found little messages that my heart left for me.  This was the primary one.

in the silenceTonight, a friend of my posted this on Facebook and I realized how much synchronicity is happening in my life.

“Silence is a great  source of strength.”  ~Lao Tzu

(I’m listening.)

(shadow dance)

her fingers so soft on tight flesh
sinuously stroking
the deepest innerworkings
(shadow dance)

his complexities and contradictions
had her wanting more

the deep empty beckoned
erotically entangled in the black,
hollow void stripped bare
of personal desire

mesmerized and aching
the stillness pulling
and engulfing
wet madness
dripping off the edges

union became a searing brand
a cleansing, fiery phoenix
(shadow dance)

***
One of three poems written in response to art for the Poet’s Favorite Tour at the 2014 Seattle Erotic Art Festival

always careening

careeninginvited in
but always careening towards
something
(careless footsteps)

skin throbbing from the sting
(and not wanting to forget)
the pulsating rhythm of blood
rushing to the point of entry

bathed in sunlight,
the clenching stops
while quiescent clouds gather

rich, mellifluous enchantment
moments and memories stitched together
(everything in his house has a story)

trust comes in timid sips