A Ten-Minute Play by Kymberlee della Luce

Cast:

Reverend Billy Bob: Man, 56. Right-wing Christian.

Sammy: Billy’s 19 year-old daughter. 

Linda: Woman, 50; VERY conservative, uptight.

Susan: Woman, 56. Conservative. 

ACT I

Scene 1

As the scene opens, we see two women at a Bistro table in a private garden.  They are dressed conservatively and well.  One has a laptop in front of her and is writing.  They other woman sits passively drinking iced tea.

On the other half of the stage, we see a man sitting on a couch, also with a laptop.  At curtain, that side of the stage is dark. He sits, immobile.

The light shines on the two women.  Linda is typing.

LINDA:

I just need to put the finishing touches on this article I’m writing.  Almost there.  Thanks for being patient, Sue.

susan:

No problem, Linda.  Such good work you’re doing.  You and Billy Bob are just such an inspiration to the congregation and to me.

LINDA

(smiling with satisfaction) Well, Sue, we are very lucky to have found our calling.  The Lord has been good to us.  We try to spread all those blessings.  Tell me, what do you think of this? 

Linda begins reading from her laptop

“Some people say they have a right to pornography, possibly even a constitutional right.  As horrific as this sounds, it’s a sad fact that it’s true.  It is no surprise that porn is the most searched for and most profitable product on the Internet.  Studies show that pornography is damaging our lives, our families and our relationships and yet it goes unmoderated by the government.  Isn’t it time we stepped up and did something about this?  Isn’t it time we put our foot down and stopped this spawn of Satan?”

SUSAN

(clapping enthusiastically) Oh Linda!  That is just brilliant!  Well done!  You know, you really belong in the White House.

LINDA

Oh, Susan, you know that my place is right here supporting Reverend Billy Bob.  I am really just so happy to work behind the scenes, doing God’s work and trying to make the world a place to live in.  

SUSAN

So First Lady then!

LINDA

God-willing, yes!  God has been so good to us but we really could increase the flock from that position, couldn’t we?  Well dear, I am just about ready to send this off and then we can talk about plans for the Ladies Tea.

SAMMY bursts out onto the patio urgently

LINDA

Samantha!  What is this?

SAMMY is fidgeting a bit nervously with her clothes.  SUSAN eyes her with disapproval and looks her up and down.

SaMMY

Mom, please won’t you try to call me Sammy?  I need to talk to you about tonight.  I can’t go to the church thing because a friend of mine from school got hurt and I need to go over and take care of her.  Her parents are out of town and she needs someone to help because she can’t walk around and stuff.

LINDA

Who is this friend?  

SAMMY

um…nobody that you know.  A new friend from school,  her name is Mary.  Don’t worry, they’re good Christian people but they live over in Somerset and go to church over there.  In fact, that’s why I need to go.  She’s the leader of youth group and needs to be there.  Please mom?  I really feel that God is calling me to aid her in this way.

LINDA

Okay, well…I guess but keep your cell phone on and next time, a little more notice, okay?  You know our family has a position of leadership and the responsibility of that. You are such an angel to help a friend er..SAMMY. And you are doing God’s work. (smiles over at Susan)  We’ll be okay without you for one night.  Have fun and bring Mary when she’s better so I can meet her.

SAMMY

Thanks Mom!  Um…uh…hi Susan!  Praise the Lord!  Ta ta for now!

lights go down and the other side of the stage is illuminated with BILLY BOB on the couch, sitting at his laptop.  We hear moaning coming quietly from the computer and see Billy’s hand moving up and down at his crotch.  It becomes more vigorous and frenzied when we hear a knock on the door of the office.

Billy ignores it and keeps going.

The knock is louder.

SAMMY

Daddy?  Are you in there?  Daddy?  

billy

uh…yeah baby?

his hand is more vigorous now

SAMMY

Daddy?  What are you doing?  I thought you sounded hurt or something.

BILLY

Uh.  No, sweetie.  Just exercising a bit. (grins widely)

SAMMY

Oh.  Well, I’m going to sleep at a friend’s house tonight.  Just wanted to say nite nite and I love you, Daddy.

BILLY orgasms at the moment she says “I love you Daddy” and slumps over.

SAMMY

Daddy?  Hello?

BILLY

I love you too, sweetie.  See you tomorrow.

lights go out

Scene 2

At curtain, we see two parts of the stage.  One is a strip club.  A strobe light flashes and SAMMY is pole dancing on the stage.  On the other half of the stage, we see Billy Bob at the pulpit speaking and gesticulating passionately.  

We don’t hear his words, we only hear this song playing in the background and see SAMMY dancing and Billy Bob preaching.  

The following quotes are flashed on a screen between them during the entire, wordless act:

Porn in the USA:  Conservatives are biggest consumers.

States that do consume the most porn tend to be more conservative and religious than states with lower levels of consumption.

Ted Haggard was the Pastor of the New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado and was the president of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) 

In 2006 it was alleged that Haggard had been regularly visiting a male prostitute who also provided him with methamphetamine. 

Haggard admitted his wrongdoing and resigned as pastor of New Life church and as president of the NAE.

Utah is the biggest consumer of online porn.

Montana consumed the least porn in the USA.

8 of the top 10 pornography consuming states gave their electoral votes to John McCain in last year’s presidential election.  

6 out of the lowest 10 favored Barack Obama.

Residents of 27 states that pass laws banning gay marriages boasted 11% more porn subscribers than states that have no bans.

In 1986, evangelist Jimmy Swaggart began on-screen attacks against fellow televangelists Marvin Gorman and Jim Bakker

He uncovered Gorman’s affair with a member of Gorman’s congregation, and also helped expose Bakker’s infidelity.

Gorman retaliated in kind by hiring a private investigator to uncover Swaggart’s own adulterous indiscretions with a prostitute.

Swaggart was caught again by California police five years later in 1991 with another prostitute.

Church-goers buy less online porn on Sundays.

Towards the end, we see Billy Bob get down off the pulpit, exit,  and return on the other side of the stage.  His jacket and tie are off and he has singles in his hands.  When he looks up and sees his daughter on the stage, he falls on his knees.  SAMMY smiles knowingly and keeps dancing.

The lights go out.

THE END