being present for the present

The above picture was taken in a moment of just allowing myself to wander and be present for the present, the GIFT of the moment. Read on…

I haven’t been writing here much because I’ve been so SO busy lately. not always busy with “work” but sometimes just with BEing.

It’s true that i have been gearing up for teaching summer camps, doing advertising, being a mom, a lover, a member of a co-operative, a daughter, friend and wading through a bunch of computer issues…

…yes. all of that is true.

I’ve also been busy mindfucking myself about not being spiritual enough, not being fit enough, not being present enough, not being accepting enough, not being …well, just generally not BEING ENOUGH.

You know what I think about that right now? ENOUGH!

I have done a lot work on self love and will continue to. Right now, I’m reading two wonderful books that are kind of a point/counterpoint thing for me. One is “Reviving Ophelia” (I’m too lazy to look up the author’s name right now and that’s OK) that talks about what happens to women during our adolescent years. It is very illuminating and is really helping me to see how I have been shaped by owning a vulva instead of a penis in a world where female flesh is treated as the scrumptious cupcake that everyone is supposed to want but somehow considered poison. I am so tired of that. I am saddened by how I have been affected by it. I am teaching camps this year and continuing to do the work I do in the world because of how hurt I have been by this, by how I have bought into the idea that being good, polite, sexy or WHATEVER is important or affirms my existence somehow. I don’t want to play on that field anymore.

I’m also reading “Your Destiny Switch” by Peggy McColl. This wonderful book gives practical advice on raising our vibration by learning to balance our emotions. I’m finding it very interesting, helpful and a good reminder. It is offsetting all the conditioning of the past and helping me to stay in a productive place when I start feeling angry about the way women are treated or despondent when I see all the pain in the world.

So in the midst of my mind fucking and switch flipping and just general getting-on-with-the-business-of-becoming-enlightened (heh), along comes “Freedom From Self-Improvement Day/Week” by the lovely and talented Jennifer Louden. There’s a lot to tell but I’m a bit achy at this moment and want to go sleep so I’m just putting in the link for the moment. I read this wonderful post from a guy named Michael Neill on that site and can TOTALLY relate to everything that he says. As a card-carrying overachiever and someone who has felt lonely, isolated and odd because of my talent, success or blessings, I am learning to say “I can just be average today”. Notice I added “today”. I can’t commit to all the time. Maybe a lifetime of being an overachiever can be rewritten overnight but maybe I don’t want to think that hard right now. Nope, I’m pretty sure I don’t.

I also ran across this website today. His teachings are all about being in the NOW. No fantasies, no thinking about how much better it/I/he/she/the whole fucking UNIVERSE can be. Just being present and letting it flow. (I think I just felt my shoulders go down two notches).

I’m breathing, releasing, BEING and appreciating the gift of being present.