The hardest thing about ending a relationship (or two)(or three…) is finding a place for that person in your life and dealing with their conflict about where to put you in theirs. I have much love in my heart for people. It doesn’t just go away because a relationship has been reconfigured into something else. I have been swimming in some odd place of inner conflict about this for too long. Searching for safety or security and certainly not finding it that way.
I have been reading “Your Destiny Switch” by Peggy McColl which is all about managing emotions. I am learning to approach my life, my behavioral patterns and those of others with curiosity rather than judgment. I am finding it helpful to say, “I wonder why that person is doing that?” rather than “they shouldn’t treat me like that!” or “why did I respond that way?” rather than “I should have (fill in the blank)”. These questions help compassion come flooding in.
In the realm of relationships, I am finding this very helpful. I am staying out of that darker, angst-ridden place that I can get into when I feel shunned by someone for whatever reason by staying open to the possibility and seeing it all from a more pulled back perspective. I see that I have allowed myself to be treated with a lot of disregard in my lifetime. This has created some sort of downward spiraling vortex of pain that I am no longer interested in being a part of.
I am choosing to unguard my heart and remain open to Love and I am mindfully asking the question, “what would Love do?” as often as I remember to. I am feeling a huge shift inside myself as a result of these simple practices. Most importantly, I am learning to pour a lot of love into myself which has been sorely lacking most of my life.
Being a loving light in the world doesn’t come by following a set of rules that are being imposed by some authority, some list of “good behaviors” that we find in a book, or by “shoulds” of any sort. I believe that it comes through one loving action after another, to ourselves and others. I don’t believe love is ever present in the shadow places of coping, hiding or striving.
I believe love is present when the valves are wide open to give and receive Love and Truth. Horace said, “Who then is free? The wise man who can govern himself.” That is my guiding light: To govern myself in the realm of Love. To allow every aspect of my life to be guided by Love and let that which is not in alignment with that energy to fall away.
There is nothing else worth living for but Love.