I once had a funny conversation with a friend. She was talking about two men in her life: One that worked at a holistic center for something or other and one who was a smoking, drinking band member-type. She seemed to feel pulled between these two polarities. I said, “It’s like one is a clean glass of water and the other is a shot of tequila.” Nobody is that pure and nobody is that naughty.”
I’m starting to think that maybe life is a mixed drink.
Maybe it’s a bit of sweet and sour with some spirit thrown in to help it go down easier. Sometimes hot. Sometimes cold. Shaken or stirred. We get to choose.
I’ve noticed that people seem to have a lot of hang ups about things like sex, for example, that get in their way of enjoying it fully. The story might be something like, “I am a guy who is gentle and kind. I don’t fuck, I make love. Besides, women like gentle anyway, right?”
Um. Not necessarily. We are many colors and textures in a beautiful tapestry. As that song up there by Janet says, “Don’t wanna be gentle tonight, just wanna be an animal tonight.” I’m pretty sure Janet, Lady Gaga and I are not the only women on the planet who like it rough sometimes. I frequently get told I’m not like other women because I enjoy sex and talk openly about it. I know a lot of women who like sex but feel shy being open. Men too. Yes, the Puritans still have their stranglehold on our genitals. People are trying to so hard to be good they end up being very, very bad.
I see so often this tendency towards denying a huge aspect of the self in favor of “goodness”. Remember the insanity of Euro American culture projecting their repressed sexuality on African American men? Oh wait, that still happens.
This kind of denial/repression/projection also happens in parenting. Parents of kids who know how to follow rules get lauded for their parenting while it’s assumed that the parents of the more free-spirited children are remiss. In truth, sometimes, they are. It’s also sometimes true that the parents of rule followers shame and punish children. The point here isn’t about who is the better parent or who is right or wrong but about seeing the craziness of polarizing life and people. We are equal parts angels and devils. We all have the wonderful archetypal energies running through us. We are Warriors, Lovers, Priestesses, Orphans, Divine Ones, Rebels, Prostitutes…it goes one. It’s so sad to me to see people who are trying to pour themselves or each other into some kind of mold of “goodness” to the exclusion of the full expression of Life.
I’m telling you, life is a fucking mixed drink. Yes, I said fucking cuz I like to say that word as much as I like to do it. 😉
And finally, let’s talk for just a moment about spirituality. eep! I know. Big topic. Here’s the only thing I want to say about it. If you’re trying to save the world or someone else’s soul, stop for a minute and make sure you’re not projecting. Make sure YOU aren’t the one who needs saving. Start in that big, juicy, shattered, pulsating organ and see where that takes you. It’s sometimes harder to do the inner work than to be the duct tape for someone else but it’s much more rewarding.
We’re here to play and create and enjoy ourselves and help each other along on the journey. We’re not here to judge. We’re not here to fix others. We’re here to sip or swig or gulp down that mixed drink and let it work it’s magic on us.
Me? I’ll have a whisky sour with Maker’s Mark today, stirred. Over ice. And when I’m done, let’s find an interesting use for that ice, shall we?
Carpe Fucking Diem.