This picture was taken on August 23rd, the night of the New Moon. On that day I made an offering to the Earth of my daughter’s placenta. After storing it in my freezer for almost four years waiting for the “perfect moment” or the “perfect” place to bury it, I decided to just do it. My two dearest friends witnessed the event as I dug the hole under the sacred birch tree in my front yard. They helped me speak blessings into the Universe as I allowed my fingers to explore the bloody organ that nourished my baby and let the blood flow down my arms. The awe and sense of completion I felt as I patted down the fragrant, musky soil was beyond measure.
There is no more perfect moment save this one.
I made that offering with the intention of grounding myself and my children. I am a single mother. I am an artist and business owner. I am a child of the Universe and have my own special place and purpose. These truths are more deeply rooted inside of me every day. Setting this intention set a lot of interesting things in motion. Over the last 14 days, I have been reclaiming my power, asking for what I need and allowing myself to really let go of some very old pain, guilt and unhealthy relationship patterns. I have also been preparing myself for today.
Today is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse. A time to recalibrate and think of things we would like to bring to a close, finish, or end. Feelings of guilt, bad habits, or unhealthy relationships are all things to release during a Lunar Eclipse. As I have been doing that very mindfully over the past couple of weeks, today feels like a culminating moment for me.
Today is also my first day in 10 years of having an eight hour work day. My kids will be at school or in childcare 8 hours a day, four days a week from now on. Despite the fact that I have needed this kind of time for myself and my work for a long time, it is hard to let go of being needed. It’s hard to let go of my old role of primary caregiver. I am left with mixed feelings of joy and sorrow, excitement and trepidation.
This morning, every “i” was dotted and every “t” crossed as I breathed in the brisk September air and made way out to my van to take the kids to school. I felt on top of my game. The kids were buckled in and ready to roll. I went to back out and realized that the steering wasn’t working! I see this as such an apt metaphor for this new phase of my life. I can’t steer everything any longer. I had to ask for help from two different people in order to get my kids to and from school today. I am learning to allow grace and help into my life so that I can finally focus on my career. It’s hard to let go of the control but so worth it.
So, on this day of the Lunar Eclipse, I mindfully let go of the following:
- My need to control everything. I willingly accept grace to flow to and through me.
- My belief that I am the only one who knows what my children need (I’m pretty sure their father will say “Woot!” when he reads that. heh). I trust in the Universe to bring my children the experiences they need to grow and serve the greater good.
- Feelings of guilt about everything. I have asked for forgiveness from those I could have treated better. I am a grown up and know what I need. I can and will use my time in service to the Greater Good of All Beings Everywhere. That’s enough for me. I am enough.
- Allowing myself to be treated poorly by others. I am deserving of love and honor and I allow these things to flow to and through me.
- I also mindfully let go of self-defeating, self-punishing behaviors. I take care of myself and treat myself with love, respect and honor.