please forgive me

“I have abused my power, forgive me.

You mean we actually are One?”

I wasn’t in the mood to study French so I listened to this entire album while biking around the lake the other day. Biking lends itself to deep listening so I heard every difficult word of this song. So good.

I’ve been wandering around the House of Mirrors that life brings when your soul is ready to wake the fuck up and notice. I’m noticing. Life is beautiful for me in many ways but I see the ways I’ve damaged myself and others in my quest for..whatever. I don’t really know. One of the lines in the song is, “I have compensated for my days of powerlessness.” Yeah, that’s it. My quest for power if I’m honest with myself.

I still haven’t figured out to live in the paradox of “We’re all One and I love you but you’re not the right companion for me.” However, I know I’ve hurt some people. I know some of those people read this blog. My favorite joke currently is, “Thousands of people are reading my blog every month and they can’t all be exes.” Always gets a laugh but there’s some pain in there, you know?

I think I’m closer to self-forgiveness and acceptance than I’ve ever been before. Part of this is acknowledging the ways I’ve been a trainwreck and just saying I’m sorry.

You might be reading this and not talking to me anymore. I might have already said I’m sorry but you didn’t believe me cuz you didn’t think I knew what I was apologizing for. (This might be true.)

To be clear, this isn’t about blame, shame and self-flagellation. (Haven’t we all had enough of that?)

This is about humility and accountability. I get it. Every word of this song is something I can relate to.

I’m sorry. Please forgive me.

Love,

Kymberlee