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violent devotion
The fierce rain pounding
against my window
fills me with ardour.
Every drop is an
act of devotion
from sky to earth.
Sometimes
love is violent.
hiding a stuffed animal for your cat to find in the night to present the kill the next day melting into the soft sweetness of midnight phone calls and intimacy in separate beds naked boy running through morning stillness disturbed by the smell of flowers the itch the need to taste blood to destroy something…
you want to know why why (why!) my mamacita told me “where there is beauty, you will find predators.” men dressed in niceties– i smell the consumption on your breath i feel your need yours (yours!) you want to take take (take!) take whatever you can get spill your seed get your fill the days…
she waits with an eternal ellipses like still water after a storm Animus lunges forward toward her stillness –ready ready to receive his turgid embrace delicious Divine dance tantric transmutation they merge exhaling whispered longing circling back to their unknown, unspoken joy she waits with an eternal ellipses like still water after a storm ***…
Today, when she was telling me how hard things are, I just listened and listened some more with my ears and my heart. I was quiet. Then I told her, “I hear you. This is hard. I love you. I just love you so much.” And she was quiet. Then she cried. And something deep…
Yesterday, my mom told me I needed to learn to reach out more–to need more. She said, “Sometimes people want to feel needed (meaning her). You come off as someone who doesn’t need anyone. You’ve always been that way.” I thought about what that meant and if it was true. I thought about writing this….