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congratulations, you've passed the test


In the past 6 weeks 4 exes and one sorta-kinda ex have come popping back up into my life to either say hi, tell me they still love me or they “want” me.

Okay, Universe. I have passed the damned test. I have stayed true to myself and my heart. I have not told them what they wanted to hear. I have not played into the flattery or given myself away (as I have so many other times). Can we move on now? Please? I feel like Neo in the Matrix who just took the blue pill and pops out to see the world the way it really is. I feel like I am seeing the entanglements I’ve been caught in with fresh eyes.

I found this song that helps me remember what is true and real:

you glide respectfully around the edge
trying so carefully not to pledge your existence
congratulations you passed the test
now step up and join the rest
(your existence)
still you shuffle on looking in
don’t be so shameful it’s not a sin
(your existence)
one day you’ll understand the gift of freedom
that’s when you shall really bloom
(your existence)
don’t just contemplate
put it into action
make your ideas and dreams come true
(your existence)
take up the space that you need to
stretch out your arms and make a claim
(your existence)

And I found this “Declaration of Principles” from Paulo Coelho filled with affirmations that I’m on the right path. As he says, all of life is sacred. I celebrate the sacred contracts I’ve had with these beautiful souls with whom I’ve shared my body and my heart and I release them to their own futures. If it was meant to be, it would have been.

Today, I celebrate the freedom to choose. I celebrate the lightness of an untroubled heart, free of entanglement with men with conflicted hearts.

Today, I celebrate myself and the song in my heart that is finding a voice in this world. Today, my soulskin intact, I swim out to the sea and embrace my wild nature.

And so it is.

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