he kissed her truly
she surrendered completely
as the stars giggled
A friend recently said he missed the grace of being kissed truly by another, open soul. This vulnerable offering opened my heart a little wider with recognition. I thought about the way I sometimes hold myself away from this kind of connection because of the fear of being vulnerable.
There was a time when I opened my body much more easily than my heart. I was hungry for connection or validation and would jump into physical intimacy without care for my heart. Then the intimacy would open my heart but things would get muddled and confusing. In these moments, I would often shut down everything so I didn’t have to feel the pain and vulnerability of it.
It’s been helpful to take time away from both physical and emotional intimacy with others to enable me to be more clear with myself about what I’m looking for–what my heart needs. I am not sure I can kiss or be kissed truly without this inner knowing any more. I’ve been learning more about what my heart needs both by being in different types of relationships but also by observing the world around me.
I marvel at how often I see people coupled who are either mean to one another or seem to be in a constant state of sparring or embarrassment with the other person. I met a couple the other night who have only been together for three months but I would have guessed ten years based on her eye rolling at his jokes and their kisses lacking passion and connection. I could feel the way they were pretending as I watched them. Maybe they didn’t want to be lonely so they became a “couple” but there is no love present. The next day, I saw another couple who have been married for many years and it was the same dynamic only no kisses. Not even physical touch. They were tolerating rather than celebrating the other. It made my heart so sad to see this.
It also made me realize that my own fears of intimacy and commitment are related to that dynamic that I have seen so often. I fear that being coupled leads to maintenance, complacency and being tolerated rather than being celebrated and kissed truly. That, of course, is silly. I can choose a different reality and I am.
This poem, then, is both a celebration of National Poetry Month and an alchemical offering to open my heart a bit wider and to allow me to embrace both my vulnerability and my joy.
Today, I open to allowing my body and my heart to be kissed truly by another open soul. Today, I embrace love.
And so it is.
*Art by Adam Martinakis