new rule about secrets

Recently, I got a text from someone sharing some news and then said, “Shhhh, don’t tell anyone!”

This made me bristle. She said she felt I had been dismissive to which I replied, “The dismissive energy you felt probably had to do with the secret. I am weary of secrets.”

I’m reading The Submission by Amy Waldman for Antioch’s book group right now. There’s a line that says, “To share a secret…was to a shift a burden.”

Bingo. People have been telling me their secrets since I was a child. They say, “I know I can trust you.” It’s true that I am trustworthy. It’s also true that I don’t have space for the secrets of everyone I encounter. It does feel like it’s some kind of confession or unburdening when people do it. As someone who is very sensitive to energy, it often feels like an enormous weight. I have yet to learn how to not carry it and it manifests in my body feeling and being heavier than I wish. In my quest to take full responsibility for my life, I realize that I need to change how I relate to this.

I envision people saying to me, “Can I confide in you?” That’s respectful and gives me a choice. It’s likely that unless it’s a client or a true intimate the answer will be, “No.”

In the future, if people tell me something and then tell me it’s a secret, I am going to say, “You really should have asked for my confidence before telling me that. I am not willing to keep secrets for you.”

Why does all of this matter so much? a.) I haven’t figured out how to be teflon, and b.) The world needs more transparency and less secrecy.

So that’s my new rule. Be forewarned.