Bearing the Beams of Love

I have a lot of love to give. But not everyone is ready to receive it. I have so much compassion for that. Sometimes it’s hard for me to feel worthy of love. I can be so hard on myself that I wonder why anyone would feel that way about me. And then I question if they really do. I ask myself, “What do they want?” or doubt their sincerity. So much negativity can get batted around in my head that I feel like I’m going insane. And I wilt when my friends look at me with their loving eyes or want to hold me when I’m sad. It becomes easier to give love than to receive it. But that is slowly changing. I am worthy. I do want love and I trust more often. I have better boundaries and don’t over give now. I’ve learned that I’m lovable no matter what. No matter what I do or even if I don’t do anything. I’m lovable just as I am.

As I open my heart to true, unconditional, unfettered love, I’ve begun to notice people who can freely receive it and to notice when people can’t. Adults have a much harder time with it than children. My toddler just drinks in every ounce. She fully expects everyone to love her. She also freely gives love to everyone even inanimate objects like her teddy bear. No expectations; just love. She can hold my loving gaze in ways that my nine year-old has forgotten to. She asks for hugs when she’s lonely or needs some touch. She knows what she needs and knows how to get it. I guess this is because she’s really never been denied love. She trusts.

I believe we can all get back to that place of trusting that we deserve love. I think it has start with finding what’s lovable about ourselves. I’m going to go make a list of all the things I love the most about myself and post it here. I hope you’ll join me.