I continue my exploration of energy, relationships and the online world today. I talked to a friend last night about her experiences with Facebook. I told her how often people tell me their secrets and how I have grown weary of it. She told me about how a new acquaintance on Facebook told her about being a cross-dresser. He clearly needed to share that with someone. He needs a witness to feel validated for his way of being.
The internet does that, doesn’t it? The space between our lives here creates a buffer and allows us to feel close to others and more willing to be transparent. While there is nothing wrong with wanting or needing a witness, what I told my friend is that I just don’t always have the space for that. I have learned that connection doesn’t have to be established through commiseration or boundarylessness. There is a place for that level of intimacy and it’s usually established through building up a trust bank with each other.
I told her (and through doing so affirmed for myself) that we get to CHOOSE how much of someone else’s story we want to hear. One person’s need to share their entire personal history or their deepest secret isn’t always in alignment with my need to hear it. As someone who is both deeply empathic and very compassionate, people feel safe to tell me these things. I understand that but it feels more like a therapist/client relationship than intimacy. I have allowed that for many years because it’s what I knew. Now that I am caring more for my own heart, I notice that it makes me uncomfortable and, moreover, distracted. It clips my wings to have so many stories from others floating around in my psyche.
The same thing is true about the “newsfeed” on Facebook. I feel drained and overstimulated by hearing everyone’s conspiracy theory, political point-of-view or latest drama. I see a lot of people needing validation and seeking it through their status updates. I don’t believe this is bad or good but I have experienced a weakening of my own energy system when I am seeking validation. I would rather not play on that field of experience and give someone validation for their pain. I think it’s just become a habit in our culture to complain about work, the weather or the latest ache or pain we have.
I would rather hear someone’s joy or witness their latest creations. I would also like to share my own! As I consciously create a life of co-creation and joy–of laughter, love, living my passion, and allowing grace to flow, I am choosing to turn my attention to the present moment and look for things to celebrate and appreciate. The average call center is flooded with far more complaints than compliments. Why is that? Because people have gotten into a habit of complaining. What if we began to celebrate what we want to see more of? What if we just say, “I love life. I love myself. I love you.” more often? What would happen?
Don’t get me wrong. I know there’s a lot going on in the world that needs to change. I am not a Pollyanna (much). I also have begun to realize that I would rather spend the bulk of my time enjoying my life and bringing pleasure, play and passion into it than focusing on the fact that others are suffering. If I am creating more suffering by focusing on the suffering of others that I can’t do anything about, what is happening to the fabric of life? As spiritual teacher Matt Kahn said in satsang the other day, “All hearts are connected. When you love one heart (including your own), you love all hearts.”
Helping others is a natural outcome of living a life of joy and allowing fulfillment. It is our Super Ego that gets busy thinking we can save the world. We can do our part. We should do our part but that doesn’t mean being miserable and drowning in our misery. That clips our wings.
We fly when we allow goodness. We fly when we stay in the moment and allow ourselves to enjoy life rather than spending every moment arguing with reality and wishing things were different or turning everything into a problem.
We fly when we love.
I love you.
I believe in you.
This is a time for miracles. I am allowing them. Join me?