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love for the haters (and the lurkers and the lovers)

Kill the Lights by Britney Spears on Grooveshark

I get a lot of hits on this website, especially on my blog. Successful requests average over 1,000 per day. This fascinates me. I keep this blog as the tagline suggests, as “my journey to personal truth” and, over the years, I’ve acquired a following. Not really intentionally. I don’t promote it much. I don’t visit other blogs to get attention. I just live and then write about it. I used to be all evangelical about “truth” because that’s how I was raised but I’m not anymore. I know that we all have our own. This is mine. I share freely here because I have been deeply inspired by others who have done so. People like SARK and keri smith propped open a door to empowerment for me. I walked through it and my life is better for it.

I don’t write this with the assumption that anyone will read it but you do. I am grateful for this because I’m a writer. I have a Liberal Arts degree with a concentration on Arts and Literature that I need to pay for so I’m happy that people are reading what I write. It clearly resonates with people. I hear from many of you either on Facebook, at parties if I know you in person or via email that you find my writing brave and that it inspires you. I hear nearly every week that I inspire someone. It’s gratifying. Truly.

Then there are the haters and the hiders. I noticed on my stats the other day that someone had visited my site from a site called “hide your ass”. Apparently it allows you to surf the net without being tracked. Wow! I can’t imagine living with that kind of fear. Really? Someone is afraid of being “tracked” when they visit this site? Just, wow.

Then there are the haters. Well, only one that has outed herself, actually. Someone that I don’t even have a relationship with who sends me hate mail. While her intentions are pretty obvious, I can see through the illusion of her fear to her pain. I sent a clear “no contact” message after the recent one I received because I don’t deserve her bile but I also have deep compassion for her. Whatever it is that makes her focus her attention on me is hers but it’s also hurting her. Why do I care? Because all hearts are connected. Because suffering hurts us all. Because I love all beings.

I also love myself enough to live my own personal truth and to ignore the haters. Love ’em, sure. Care what they think of me? Not so much. Move away from them? Yep! The song up there has these lines in it:

You’re on,
I think I’m ready for my close up,

You don’t like me
I don’t like you, it don’t matter (who?)
Only difference
You still listen, I don’t have to (who?)
In one ear and
Out the other, I don’t need you (who?)
Your words don’t stick
I ain’t perfect, but you ain’t either (who?)

Yeah, that. We’re all just sort of muddling through, aren’t we? Tripping over own complexities, making messes and doing our best to clean them up. I’m pretty sure I fuck up at least once a day. I’m cool with that because I’m always trying, always creating, moving towards intimacy with myself and others and letting life and love move to and through me. What else is there? I live out loud. I don’t hide behind fake profiles and ass-hiding websites because transparency is important to me.

So, to the haters, the lurkers and everyone else, I LOVE YOU! I really do. Life is just too fanfuckingtastic to hold grudges and worry about what we can’t control and that includes other people’s opinions of me or how I live my life. It’s way more fun to dance and play and have fun and laugh and ride bikes and make love and create and…you get the idea. The Aries Free Will Astrology horoscope for this week from the fabulous Rob Brezny says this:

“If it’s stupid and it works, it’s not stupid.” That could turn out to be a useful mantra for you in the coming week. Being pragmatic should be near the top of your priority list, whereas being judgmental should be at the bottom. Here’s another mantra that may serve you well: “Those who take history personally are condemned to repeat it.” I hope you invoke that wisdom to help you escape an oppressive part of your past. Do you have room for one more inspirational motto, Aries? Here it is: “I am only as strong as my weakest delusion.”

Time to examine the delusions that are lurking around and be free of them so I can be freed up to focus my attention on goodness.

One of my friends on Facebook said that Justin Timberlake seems to be having a lot of fun being a celebrity. We’re all rock stars and super heroes starring in our own movies. We’re all creators. Part of being a creator is choosing the company we keep and choosing how we spend our energy.

Personally, I’m gonna be over here gettin’ my sexy on with the other freaks, geeks, rock stars, creators and lovers.

Speaking of creators, here’s a cool collaborative project I worked on recently with the father of my children and a group of fourth-graders. The poem was written using their favorites from a word bank we created about life. Talk about acknowledging the complexities and contradictions of life! (click to enlarge)

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