my dream

I just woke up from a dream. In this dream, many things happened. I didn’t know who I could trust. Everywhere I turned, someone was betraying me or trying to take something from me. I ran away from my house, leaving the doors wide open. I didn’t know where my children were, I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t know how I was going to get there. I wanted to get in my van and drive but someone was in it and almost hit me with it so I ran.

I ran and I ran.

I came upon people who were trying to convince me of something. They had a long, elaborate story about the nature of things and a big conspiracy. They had pamphlets and illustrations. It began to feel unsafe so I ran away. They followed me.

I ran and I ran.

I found myself in a room with two men on either side of me. They both had disguises on and I thought they were holding me there. I felt that I was being forced to watch something and to be shown why the last group of people were wrong. I decided that I had had enough of being told how things were going to be. I got up and looked into the eyes of one of the men. I said, “I am leaving. It’s too bad you were trying to capture me because I really wanted to fuck you.” He replied, “It is too bad because I really wanted to fuck you too and then I wanted to hold you and cherish you.”

Then it became clear to me that these people loved me. ALL of the people had loved me. I saw that it had all been a game–an illusion–and that there was nothing to fear and nowhere to go. I realized that no matter where I went, I would be safe and the people around me were always there to love me even if it didn’t always seem like it. I felt a bit foolish but very peaceful and very loved.

As I stood there, no longer running, and gazed at the beauty and grace of it all, everything began to turn into beautiful, shimmering particles of light and swirl around into a beautiful spiral.

And then I woke up.

Or did I go back to sleep?