The longer (or perhaps deeper) I live, the more I realize how foolhardy it is to chain myself to possibility. Living in the lands of “what if” and “one day” overlong has been crippling to my Spirit.
I see so often how I longed for something and once I got it, it soon began to be less appealing. This was true of material things, men, experiences and even “freedom”. A blank canvas can be just as intimidating as not having a canvas or the time to paint. It isn’t the construct around us that keeps us from writing, painting, singing or creating, it’s the cluttered mind that talks us out of it.
The heart that is always longing for something just beyond its reach becomes tired and achy. The heart that rests in the stillness of being and the awe and wonder of the moment is golden. When the heart is a lonely hunter, it is never sated.
I don’t claim to know the secret of existence, but I have found how pure and beautiful life can be when I am living right now. Sometimes the now brings pain. If I’m present in the now, I notice that my knees hurt from walking around the city a lot. I notice that my body needs some care. I notice that I’m colder than I realized.
I also notice that the raindrops that were hanging on the bare branches outside my window have now been set free by the wind. I notice the sound of my breath and feel the life force inside of me dancing around. I hear a blue jay squawking loudly. I notice the deep peace in my heart.
As I have grown into myself, I have learned to replace “what if” with “I wonder” and “someday” with “now”.
It has taken me ten minutes to write this. It was an act of creation. It will probably be read by a couple of hundred people who will go on to create something in the ten minutes they have in the space between the notes of their lives.
It really is the space between the notes that makes the music beautiful. It’s that moment of noticing what is luscious and beautiful and describing it or painting it.