“Mom, why don’t you talk to John anymore?
“Because he’s not my friend, Gigi. He lied to me about something really important. He’s not in my life.”
“Well, I want him in my life. I’m gonna call him when I get my own phone. Please tell me you didn’t delete his number.”
“Okay, I won’t tell you that.”
What was I supposed to say? That he’s not the person that he pretended to be? That he not only lied to me once but many times? That he acted like he cared but in the end was the biggest liar I’ve ever known? Am I supposed to pretend?
I don’t think so. I think pretending is what’s gotten humanity in the current mess we’re in. Denial, withholding, and half-truths have got us raping our own mother or looking the other way when someone else does.
I have been understanding about it long enough. I don’t understand. I am tired of women being the ones who care, the ones who give, the ones who bleed. I’m tired of men driving luxury cars/penis compensation devices while single mothers take the bus and stand in the rain. I’m tired of being the one to take care of the babies while the men make the money that they spend on the next woman who will say yes to their sorry ass.
Love isn’t just forgiveness and compassion.
Love is fierce and wise.
Love is discerning.
Love is Mama and she’s done with little boys and their fragile egos.
Ladies, it’s well-past time we took our power back. Stop being taken for granted. Stop being the one to take notes at or bake cookies for the fucking parent meeting. Stop giving yourself away over and over again. Stop doing all the emotional work in the relationship. Ask for what you need and hold him accountable. Stop apologizing for taking up space in the world and claim some space for yourself and your children.
And most of all, trust yourself. Trust that inner voice that says he’s lying because you know what, honey? He probably is. And if he says he’s not and you know he’s full of shit, say so! Be strong and use your blade–your male energy–to cut through to the truth.
More than anything, don’t be afraid. Connect your center of will and power with your heart and use your voice to speak up for justice. We need you. I need you so I don’t feel so alone.